American actor Shia Lebeouf did something last week that made me very jealous – he went out with a paper bag on his head.
Admittedly he did it because he is in the middle of a Hollywood child star meltdown which isn’t really relevant to my life but I can see the appeal of the paper bag.
Last week I would have happily won a bag over my head. I was ravaged by cold with runny eyes, a nose that dribbled like a tap unless I had tissue shoved up it and a giant red patch that covered the whole space between my nose and mouth.
People avoided me and gave me looks that combined pity with disgust. I made myself look less fearful each morning by putting on lots and lots of make up. Sadly this had mostly been sneezed and dribbled off by the time I got to work and I could not be bothered to put myself through the misery of constant reapplication.
I just needed a paper bag to stick over my head.
It is one thing feeling like death but even worse when you look like a freshly dug up corpse with lank hair, dull skin and black circles under your eyes.
A paper bag would be handy for a whole range of situations:
Illness – Nobody wants to look at you and you would rather hide your red, dribbly face in a giant bag
Hangovers – The bag could be accessorised with sunglasses and can double up if you need to vomit
Tiredness – Running late? Can’t be bothered? Bag and go
Tears – Sad ones are horrible and angry one are infuriating – they mess up your face and make people uncomfortable and are best bagged up
I would save money on make up and could squeeze in an extra ten minutes in bed without having to do my hair or anything.
I would personalise the bag like Lebeouf, not by writing some mysterious pseudopolitical slogan on it, but maybe with a smiley face or something mood specific. It could be very useful for those days when you don’t want to talk to someone or are putting on a brave face.
I think this is a fully marketable idea and I would definitely buy one. The only downside I can see is that you might appear to be either mentally ill or idiotic but you won’t care about that from inside the security of your bag.
I am off to work on a prototype right now. Watch this space for further genius beauty ideas that save time and effort and I welcome suggestions from fellow scruffs.