How to avoid bad romance

Valentine’s Day is the annual event most people wish they could ignore. Either you are not in love and it is a big, single slap in the face or you are in a relationship and think it is a load of rubbish but feel obliged to do something anyway.MH900384783

I have spent many years pooh poohing it and playing Valentine’s chicken that usually ends in him pulling out the stops and me doing nothing and being embarrassed, so I now use it as an excuse to cook lots of nice food because we both love eating.

For those of you diehard romantics out there that look forward to eating a contrived set menu, in an overbooked restaurant, while wearing impractical underwear, here are a few Bad Glamour tips to keep the love alive:

Be smooth – You look sexy and slinky like Catwoman but underneath your clothes you have legs and armpits that look and feel like a real cat. Unless you are a hippy, being hairy is not very sexy. You may have been using the extra fuzz as a layer of warmth over the winter but shave it off.

Smell good – Nothing is as unsexy as a bad smell. Clean skin and fragrance are a must but be careful to avoid stinky food as well so you don’t kill them off with garlic when you make your move.

Vamp make-up – A plump red lip is the war paint of the classic, glamorous siren but beware its rogue smudges. Red lipstick gets on your teeth, your crockery and, if you are really unlucky, all over your face. Use sparingly and blot carefully

Less is more – Stick to wearing the impractical underwear under your clothes instead of as your outfit and remember suggestion is much sexier than letting it all hang out. Don’t use Valentine’s day as an excuse to dress like a giant slut; it will not help your love life unless you are actually looking for a sex mad moron to spend time with.

That’s it, just a few ideas to prevent embarrassment if you are in the mood for love but remember there is nothing wrong with wearing track suit bottoms, sharing a pizza and box of chocolates and watching repeats of CSI on TV because, for most people, that’s what love really is.

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