Never fully dressed without a smile

As if there wasn’t enough to worry about – wrinkles, puffiness, blemishes – teeth require a beauty routine all of their own.

It’s not enough to just brush them twice a day, there is a whole range of products designed to make the inside of your mouth sparkle like the surface of a star. If, like me, you were lumped with NHS dental care before they caught up with serious American orthodontics, teeth are just another minefield of insecurities.

My jaw is too small for my teeth so, along with several painful extractions, I was given a brace which basically equated to a bit of wire attached to a bit of plastic that slotted into the roof of my mouth and became clogged with half digested food slush whenever I ate. It was smelly and gross and, being fourteen and a know all, I didn’t wear it.

Lovely teeth

Lovely teeth

Now I hate my wonky teeth and, if I had lots of money, I would have them filed down to stumps and have veneers stuck on in a heartbeat. I have also started to grind my teeth at night, which means they might crack, and I sleep in a rubber mouth guard which, in the morning, takes me back to the grim days of the plastic brace.

Perfect smiles are hard work and part luck; either you shell out for expensive and fragile cosmetic surgery or you got for adult orthodontics which is also expensive, slow, and involves having lots of teeth removed.

However there are a few things you can do to achieve a nice, clean smile, even if you are a bit wonky:

Tooth whitening

If you go too white they look a bit freaky and, assuming you don’t want your mouth to glow in the dark, opt for a realistic shade. It is best to get a dentist to do it as some home kits contain bleach and can damage your tooth enamel. This is the same for natural remedies such as bicarbonate of soda and lemon juice. This combination can clean drains so imagine what it is doing to the delicate surface of your tooth.


As well as being wonky, my teeth are prone to staining. Some people are more prone than others so here are a few things you can do:

  • Jet washing – An intense clean by the dentist every six months that involves blasting stains of the teeth with a powerful jet of water. You will have to pay for it but it is very effective and safe
  • Abstinence – Tea, coffee, red wide, smoking, sugar – all of these things stain your teeth. You can clean your teeth after every mug, glass, or bite or cut them out
  • Bad ass brush – I have just bought a Phillips Sonicare toothbrush. I have put it off for ages because the brush is stupidly expensive but it has made a massive difference to my teeth. They feel amazing and they look cleaner as well

The best way to ensure a dazzling smile it to floss and brush every day and cut back on the bad stuff that could be harming your teeth. It is very hard to be arsed about a dental beauty routine on top of everything else so it depends on how bothered you are. White, straight teeth are hard to come by for people of a certain generation but, if it keeps you smiling, then it might be worth the effort.


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